Thursday, September 06, 2007

Peace Trains in a Wild World

Morning had broken, as I sauntered into a resort area coffee shop and heard the delightful sounds of a Cat Steven’s remake ‘Oh Baby it’s a Wild World’. As I tapped my foot along, I realized that a man who now calls himself “Yusuf Islam” authored this song. I immediately alerted the barista of this incident, but she didn’t seem to be able to wake up to smell the coffee she was roasting.

If I was caught enjoying this piped in terrorism by the overhead cameras I would likely be diverted to the nearest FBI office. (Why are you tapping your foot so nervously boy? Are you a shoe bomber?) After all this Cat is the same alley tiger found stowed aboard an international flight heading towards the good old US of A.

Imagine the Air Marshall aboard this flight bragging to his family how he had the power to divert the plane. He probably went home and listened to Big Balls in Cow Town before getting in bed with his wife in Bangor.

The conversation aboard the diverted plane to Bangor probably went like this:

Air Marshall Stoneyface: (to the first officer) we have a confirmed terror suspect aboard. We have to bring this plane down immediately.

First officer Ted: But we’re over Iceland now. Well, I did always want to see....

A.M.Stoney: No, bring her down in Maine, Ted. My equally-hardheaded wife is there and I would like to see her in Bangor .

FO Ted: OK, But who is the suspect?

A.M. Stoney: A guy named Islam. Need I say more?

You mean Cat Stevens? The wonderful soul who’s composed love songs about Peace Trains?

Peace Train running over my foot! What an obvious front for something neferious. Everybody knows that airline travel is the cleaner ticket. I hope you’re not thinking that we marshals are interested in stooping to low-level train guarding? Next thing you know, they’ll think that we need to guard boring chemical depots.

As always, you’re right Stoney. I guess this Islam guy is going to have to face the music.

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