Thursday, May 30, 2013

Men and Women

A California women says her husband is at the dangerous age when all females look alike to him - desirable. 

The best way to win an argument with a woman is to hit her over the head with a new mink coat.

Never argue with a women. You might win - and then you'll really be in trouble.

Never start an argument with a women when she is tired - or when she's rested.

A bachelor in Denver advertised for a wife in a newspaper: "Bachelor with waterbed desires to meet a nice hard-working girl with short toenails."

Nothing confuses a man more than driving behind a woman who does everything right. 

If a man tells a woman she's beautiful, she'll overlook most of his other lies.

He loved a girl so much he worshiped the very ground her father discovered oil on. 

A timid man said to his wife, "We're going out tonight and that's semi-final."

Man can control everything except a woman and a hurricane. 

Most men have a way with women, but it's seldom their own.

No woman has to twist a man's arm when she can wrap him around her finger.

A woman likes a man best who has a will of his own - made out in her name. 

The man who owes it all to his wife seldom pays her back. 

An optimist is a young man who hurries because he thinks his date is ready and waiting for him.

It does not take a very bright woman to dazzle some men. 

Even if a man could understand women he still wouldn't believe it.

Anybody who thinks this is a man's world is probably not too bright about other things either.

If this is a man's world it's because women don't want it. 

- From 14,000 Quips and quotes for Writers & Speakers by E.C. McKenzie 

Friday, May 24, 2013

The Grinch who stole heart rocks

Jim Banholzer (Notes) on Thursday, May 23, 2013 at 9:38am
The splashy Englishman who stole heart rocks

A modern day parable

There was a man who came to town -leapt over the pond with a glittery carpetbag stuffed full of new ideas - or so he said. His revolutionary studio had special lighting and secret backers. He also had developed remarkable salesmanship skills not seen every generation. Those who wanted to believe in him -needed to believe in him, started to swoon and became weak in the knees.

He kissed the girls in his eugenics program and made them cry. For him, it was as simple as heisting confectionery from the wee one in a perambulator. When paychecks started arriving late, his dedicated contractors held a meeting of the minds and considered writing the board of directors to alert them of his wide range of shenanigans. However, after deep discussion, the workers determined that eventually it would come to light that their unconscionable leader was too clever by half.

His agents held off for a few seasons, disbelieving that their savior wouldn't hold up to his pie-in-the-sky promises. After all, our economy is a faith based phenomena. These particular agents sold certified Real products, where you can invest your hard earned cash, to become a steward of the land, perhaps even for a few decades. 

The leader was cut from the same cloth as Lyle Lanly; the cartoon shabster, who with song & dance and musical cane, sold the town of Springfield a decrepit monorail infested with rats. When the rats here started jumping ship, fingers of blame started pointing in a dozen directions, and he robustly flushed e-mails right down the memory drain. This rapscallion avoided mirrors and tranquil ponds, because the other side started staring him down, and he blinked first. Strong rumor has it now, that he has signed up for a one way trip to Mars to inspect the pies and red rocks there. 

Wednesday, May 08, 2013

Boulder City Hike Cool:

Boulder City Hill 

with a century old stick

rising with respect.

Thursday, May 02, 2013

May Haiku

Hieroglyphic Roc,

Sing me songs of your dragons,

Some sweet soft ones, please.

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