Friday, May 24, 2013

The Grinch who stole heart rocks

Jim Banholzer (Notes) on Thursday, May 23, 2013 at 9:38am
The splashy Englishman who stole heart rocks

A modern day parable

There was a man who came to town -leapt over the pond with a glittery carpetbag stuffed full of new ideas - or so he said. His revolutionary studio had special lighting and secret backers. He also had developed remarkable salesmanship skills not seen every generation. Those who wanted to believe in him -needed to believe in him, started to swoon and became weak in the knees.

He kissed the girls in his eugenics program and made them cry. For him, it was as simple as heisting confectionery from the wee one in a perambulator. When paychecks started arriving late, his dedicated contractors held a meeting of the minds and considered writing the board of directors to alert them of his wide range of shenanigans. However, after deep discussion, the workers determined that eventually it would come to light that their unconscionable leader was too clever by half.

His agents held off for a few seasons, disbelieving that their savior wouldn't hold up to his pie-in-the-sky promises. After all, our economy is a faith based phenomena. These particular agents sold certified Real products, where you can invest your hard earned cash, to become a steward of the land, perhaps even for a few decades. 

The leader was cut from the same cloth as Lyle Lanly; the cartoon shabster, who with song & dance and musical cane, sold the town of Springfield a decrepit monorail infested with rats. When the rats here started jumping ship, fingers of blame started pointing in a dozen directions, and he robustly flushed e-mails right down the memory drain. This rapscallion avoided mirrors and tranquil ponds, because the other side started staring him down, and he blinked first. Strong rumor has it now, that he has signed up for a one way trip to Mars to inspect the pies and red rocks there. 

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