The “Buy Card” Tutorial

I went to cash out my measly retirement from the bank. So, I entered the establishment, where a stodgy man announced that I would need a ‘buy card’ to do so. I asked, “What’s that?” to which he replied. “Oh I might have known. Why might you want one? Exceptional military men use them to put live animals on their cars as hood ornaments for protection against “Nature Freaks.” Then he pushed a bowl towards me, saying, “Here, have some sauce meat!”