Astronomically outrageous

Submitted by JBanholzer on Mon, 10/22/2007 - 9:35pm.

It is no wonder why NASA wants to propel this story to the dark side of the moon. This report comes on the heels of a recently revealed story about NASA allowing drunken astronauts to pilot our Space Shuttle.
Drunk on the moon
Back when I worked for an airline, I once had an interesting discussion with our designated drug and alcohol tester. She said that since our employees on the job had tested positive for alcohol, less than .5 percent of the time that they were only required to test 10 percent of our workforce each year, rather than the previous 25 percent. This was an inventive set up by the FAA to save the airlines money, if we demonstrated good results.
Nevertheless, I started wondering about these tests. It seemed silly that they would even need to test luggage handlers and ramp workers. What did they think we were going to do, load bags drunk onto wrong planes, walk into a prop, or drive into an airplane with a deicing machine? Turns out the FAA had been right all along to test us ramp workers, because in my brief five years there at the small Hailey Airport, all of the aforementioned incidents occurred, including one evening a spanking new employee nearly colliding with a spinning prop.

Later on I read somewhere, I think in USA Today, that pilots who tested positive for alcohol was around the same low rate. Somewhere about .2 percent. At first glance, this seemed mighty low, compared to the general populace, etc. Then upon further reflection, I realized that if there are between four and five thousand aircraft perpetually aloft in U.S., than this means that there are always 8 to 10 snookered pilots celebrating in the friendly skies above us!
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehaw!
I hope that most of yoose guys are riding shotgun.