Sharing a money-laundering recipe

Twelve years ago, a Clark County, Nevada investigation showed that a Vegas clinic was not using clean syringe procedures, which over a four-year period contaminated dozens of anesthesia patients with incurable hepatitis C. This was odd and unsettling, especially since Las Vegas is the same city where casinos and hotels often offer to help clean your money. When did we start giving sanitized money a higher priority than we did to our medical patients?

More recently, another news item indicated that prison inmates often conceal illicit money in especially unsavory places. With filthy money in troublesome mind plus flu season approaching, it would be refreshing to see a few local banks offer this new service of disinfecting paper currency and coinage. Besides defending customers from nasty germs and diseases, banks would also be protecting a most valuable asset - their dedicated tellers, lessening sick days, etc.

Along with Vegas now improving their odds for healthier patients and casino customers, money purification programs also have become popular in countries like Japan, where clean bills sprout widespread from ATM’s. Local banks ‘wishing well’ could stand to profit karmatically from similar hygienic upgrades.

Meanwhile, my recommended home-style method for freshening coins follows: Lay out a large dry towel on a counter. Place a screen over the sink drain. Then position a colander over a large pot and insert the dirty coinage. Rinse with as-warm-as-you-can-stand water; add liquid dish soap in small squirts and repeat, jiggling the coins until they sparkle. Spray disinfectant before a final rinse, and then towel dry, ensuring that you’ve cleaned both the colander and dirty pot before done. Seasonal dashes of pumpkin spice or peppermint extract can add glistening holiday coin flavor. When finished, invest new coins in most useful things that matter.

Next tip: The importance of purifying bed-sheets and pillowcases with hot water to ensure bedbug purges.