Defending Mary Ann’s honor
Occasionally a story comes along so compelling that everything else pales in comparison and drops to the wayside. 9-11,
Not only did I receive a handful of e-mails asking me to stand up for what is right and defend Mary Ann’s honour, but also one young man came fumbley stumbling in backwards, through my front door to beseech me in person. Perhaps he heard that I had recently written her a sincere fan letter.
Therefore, I am asking all of you impending Mary Ann back to Ginger, flip-floppers, this is the crucial time when our friend needs us the most, to not abandon ship on her. Certainly, Mary Ann will forgive us for being so fickle, those of us who were shortly considering switching our favorite islander back to Ginger. So everybody grab some strap oil to sharpen your writing instruments and the key to the oarlocks, to fasten yourself in for a spell, to sit right down for a wile and draft sweet Mary Ann a deserving letter of support today.
On a semi-related note, no matter which Gilligan's Island girl one lusts after more, I think we can all agree that the optimal person to have actually BEEN (if you could go to the island and choose to BE one of them) is the Professor.
ReplyDeleteThe Howell's were married, and the Skipper and Gilligan could be fairly categorized as either (a) sexless or (b) quasi-homoerotic. As such, the only guy who could possibly hope to savor the tropical friuts of the island was the Professor.
One would of course, have to entertain the notion that Mary Ann and Ginger might turn to each other for comfort now and again, what with the hopeless situation they were in and all. However, one would have to compare and contrast their outward appearance with trends in the "lipstick lesbian" movement (if there in fact was one) of the late 1960s for guidance as to the feasibility and probability of such a scenario.
Another wrench in the works is Mr. Howell who, while old and presumably undesirable for a sexual partner, managed to become shipwrecked with considerable U.S. currency. If one of the pair (G or MA) were particularly money-motivated, it's possible that the seduction of Mr. Howell could have taken place.
Those are all, IMHO, highly unlikely. Bottom line: The Professor had the catbird seat on Gilligan's Island. So, what I'd really like to know is: Which one would HE have preferred? (Or, might he have considered a "double conquest"?)
I did it! I was the hitchhiker who left the stash in Mary Ann's car.
ReplyDeleteThe Atlanta Journal Constitution reported the following:
ReplyDelete"Okay, look. There were a couple of things that stood out just a little more than the pot she was found with.
First of all, she told the cops she gave a ride to three hitchhikers (AKA maybe mass murderers) and dropped them off after they started smoking “something.” Do you believe that?
Let’s say you’re a mass murderer. You and your two mass-murderer buddies are hitchhiking—not for the ride but more like trolling for the next victim. A car pulls up and whoa—it’s Mary Ann! What do you do? Do you kill her or get into some serious trivia about Gilligan’s Island? It’s a tough call. Her story though, has holes in it. Namely this: Hitchhikers don’t leave their pot lying around. If they go, it goes! Secondly, she was in Driggs, Idaho. The name alone is enough to make you want to lick a toad.
What about Driggs?
Driggs, Idaho is the County seat for Teton County, Idaho. Nestled at an elevation of 6,200 feet between the majestic Tetons and the beautiful Big Hole Mountains, Driggs has a diverse population of approximately 1,300 people in an incorporated area of nearly 350 acres. Driggs has numerous housing opportunities along with a large range of business enterprises, and three hitchhikers. Although very majestic, there is nothing to do but stare at the Tetons and get high. Not really. It’s actually very pretty and there’s no I-285 or GA-400 in the afternoon. Oh well, good luck little buddy."