Tuesday, March 17, 2009

John Cougar Mellowcat’s springtime animal predictions:

Wolves might be dangerous, but it’s still more perilous to cross the human highway than it is to waltz out one of our yodeling canyons.

Besides the wolf, this year its predicted rattlers will be more docile. Good time to gather snapping worms for some dynamic fishing.

Badger’s are lonelier and will need more human-applied scruffs behind their fuzzy ears.

Local bears will rise up with a desire for thick elderberry mead, so please baste your grease buckets and leave them wafting under West Ketchum birdfeeders.

Albino deer appreciate late season snows and hope Baldy stays open through Memorial Day.

Cougars will descend from the aged hills to infiltrate innocents at the dew-daw room.

Butterflies will continue their illegal ignoring of voter district lines.

While Mormon crickets will continue their unselfish mission of filling in Highway 20’s potholes, chirping beetles will munch over Galena pass, making the area more avalanche prone, which will lead to an overwhelming public outcry for a safety-beacon cell tower on the hill.

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