Thursday, March 19, 2009

John Cougar Mellowcat’s springtime animal predictions

2nd draft

Much has been said about wolves being dangerous, but it's still more perilous to cross the human highway than it is to waltz out one of our yodeling canyons.

With this in mind, I consulted with my oracle: John Cougar Mellowcat, who has kindly channeled some other spring-fever animal predictions:

Besides the wolf this year, its predicted rattlers will be more docile. Good time to gather snapping worms for some dynamic fishing.

Badger's are lonelier and will need more human-applied scruffs behind their fuzzy ears.

Local bears will rise up with a desire for thick elderberry mead, so please baste your grease buckets and leave them warmly wafting under West Ketchum birdfeeders.

Albino deer appreciate late season snows and hope Baldy stays open through Memorial Day.

Increasing numbers of aged cougars will descend from the Elkhorn hills to infiltrate innocents at the dew-daw room.

Butterflies will continue their illegal ignoring of voter district lines.

While Mormon crickets will continue their selfless mission of filling in Highway 20's potholes, positively chirping beetles will munch over Galena pass, making the area more avalanche-prone, which will lead to an overwhelming public outcry for a safety-beacon cell tower on the hill.

Wise hoot owls will continue being mostly serious, and make gains towards unraveling unsolved mysteries.

Local dogs will continue worming their way into local hearts, while an ISU scientist will uncover compelling canine evidence that they sometimes laugh at us silly cats.

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