Twelve
Steps for Money-Laundering
submitted version
Ten years ago, a Clark County, Nevada investigation showed
that a Vegas clinic was not using clean syringe procedures, which over a
four-year period contaminated dozens of anesthesia patients with incurable
hepatitis C. This was odd and unsettling, especially since Las Vegas is
the same city where casinos and hotels often offer to help clean your money.
When did we start giving sanitized money a higher priority than we do to our medical
patients?
More recently, another news item indicated
that prison inmates often conceal illicit money in ways that expose it to
contagious diseases. With filthy money in troublesome mind plus flu season
approaching, it would be refreshing to see some local banks offer a new
service for disinfecting paper currency and coinage. Besides defending
customers from nasty germs and diseases, banks would also be protecting another
valuable asset - their dedicated tellers, lessening sick days, etc.
Along
with Vegas now improving their odds for healthier patients and casino
customers; Japanese banks commonly use money purification programs, where ATM’s
sprouting clean bills are the most popular. Local banks here ‘wishing well’ could
stand to profit monetarily and karmatically through similar hygienic upgrades.
Until a nearby
decontamination service arrives, my recommended home-style scheme for
freshening coins follows: Wash your hands and filter out rare coins or
collectibles for a separate procedure (if any). Lay out a large dry towel on a
counter. Place a screen over the sink drain. Then position a colander over a
large pot and insert the dirty coinage. Rinse with as-warm-as-you-can-stand water
as you shake the colander, adding liquid soap in small squirts and repeat, rubbing
and jiggling the coins until they sparkle and the container wash is clean. Spray
disinfectant (?) before a final rinse then place coins into a second container
of distilled water. Towel dry, ensuring that you’ve cleaned the colander, containers
and towels when done. Final dashes of peppermint extract or pumpkin spice adds seasonal
flavor to entertaining coin tricks and gimmicks.
Next tip: The importance of purifying bedsheets and
pillowcases with hot water to ensure bedbug purges.
